Men

“Men! For as boy crazy
as I’ve been my whole life,
I sure can’t stand them!”
(Down With Love)

One of six sisters, I am a girly girl. Guys friends? Only if they LIKE to shop and watch Lifetime Movie Network. Boyfriend? Check. Long term? Check, it’s been six months. Secrets of the weird and wonderful world of men cracked? Not check and frankly still thinking it’s more weird than anything else…
Guys don’t floss their teeth daily. Furthermore, they think that swishing with mouthwash is sufficient teeth brushing for busy days. They have no reservations about using your body towel to dry their hands after washing…without soap. Guys come over for dinner and don’t think it’s wrong to open a bag of chips…a minute before the timer goes off. And when you pull a beautiful platter out to put the meal on, you’ll find that your guy has already made himself a plate by folding up a paper towel into his hands. “That’s all right,” you’ll say, “I’ll pour you a glass of wine.” But, oh no, he prefers beer, the exact opposite of what would compliment your meal. Guys are great for taking out the trash or mowing your lawn. However, they will never, never notice that these things need to be done on their own. As they throw another pistachio shell that sends the piles of garbage into an avalanche, you may have to remind them “Honey, I think that garbage can is no longer taking new applicants.” Count your blessings though because most of the time his trash won’t find the can at all. If a man is further than a basketball free throw away from the wastebasket, you will find gum wrappers balled up under your couch, or stale coca cola dumped into your potted plant. The old “girl can’t get guy’s attention while ESPN is on” is very cliché. So, other than recommending feigning that your cable is out, I just want to warn that all you are during the game is the hand that delivers chicken wings. Maybe bring them in balanced on your head? That might get a laugh. They’ll cherish you later, once you’ve civilized them. For now, just bask in your role as the clear headed woman, and remember to smile, because that’s why he fell in love with you.